"God will forgive you. All you need to do is ask, believe, and receive it. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."
Matthew 6:12
We all have our darkest secrets, our most shameful moments, things that we want no one to know because that would mean disapproval. That's the thing though, we ALL have them. We are all sinners. You, your family, your best friends, your pastor, your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, we are all dirty with sin. There was and will only be one perfect person and he died for us, because we are sinners and someone needed to pay that debt. We were all forgiven that day that our savior was so cruelly nailed to a cross and belittled. So, if he forgave us and he loves us, why is it so hard for us to forgive and love ourselves.
I've seen so many great Christians give up because they didn't feel like they were good enough, I was one of them. You get to a point in your life where you just think of everything you've ever done. You are literally drowning in your sin and you can't breathe. You hurt and you want to do better but you can't make yourself get back up. Then on top of it you have people who want to belittle you and put you down for the mistakes you've made. You hate yourself for what you've done, and people don't even care because they hate you to. You feel like you're all alone and you have no where to turn. Some of us feel like we've hit rock bottom and we can't even pick ourselves back up. I had a time in my life where I didn't even feel worthy enough to face God and ask for help. I was so ashamed and hurt and all I could say to myself was "You did this, you have to deal with it." It shatters my heart to see someone so broken and to see others kicking them when they're down. I don't care how alone you feel, you can ALWAYS turn to God. He knows what you've done, but he has already forgiven you. So what if you can't get back up, you aren't on your own! God is there to pick you up and help you until you can stand again. He is such a forgiving God and we still try to hide? Why? At least you feel guilt and you're ashamed of yourself. That means you have a conscience and you know right from wrong. However, you can't just feel sorry for yourself all the time, you have to start taking steps into the right direction.
I know how it feels to want to take steps in the right direction, but find yourself not moving in any direction because you're afraid of what everyone will say. That's sad to me how we can call ourselves Christians, but some of us will be so discouraging to others who want to progress. I have been in a situation where I was trying to start over and be the girl God has called me to be and someone said "She's going to go back to her old ways soon as always." or "Why is she even trying, she's not a very good Christian and she shouldn't be pretending." That was one of the most heart breaking things for someone to tell me. If you have ever discouraged someone like that, shame on you. Why are we so content on tearing people down who are doing everything they can to pick themselves up? You are not perfect. I am not perfect. So we shouldn't be judging each other. It's not right and we have NO room to criticize others. As Christians when we see others who are down and trying to pick themselves back up we should walk over to them and grab there hand and help them. We are called to love each other and we need to be doing that.
Another thing, stop comparing your walk with God to others. So what if we have more struggles than others! We all have different issues and we shouldn't compare ourselves. I remember being at church camp one year and meeting a boy there. I was at a really low point in my life and this guy just kept trying to talk to me. His mom was my cell group leader and she bragged about him so much that I knew exactly who he was. I was so mad at myself for being the way that I was. I just kept thinking, "this guy is so much better than me, he probably hasn't done half the stuff I have and he is such a good Christian. I shouldn't even try any more because I already messed up and I will never be as good as he is." That was so wrong of me. Not only did I almost miss out on a really great friendship, but I was tearing myself down because I wasn't like a fellow sinner. I never even considered that he sins just as I do. Just because we don't sin the same way I was mad. I wanted to be like him when I should have been wanting to be like Jesus. I tore myself down for not being like someone other than Christ and that was so dumb of me. Do not let yourself get down because you think someone else is better than you. Fix your eyes on Jesus and you strive to be like him and no one else. Pick yourself up and keep trying, forgive yourself and continue with your walk.
We are all sinners, we just sin differently. Don't ever let anyone tear you down and don't tear yourself down. Jesus died on the cross and this battle we are trying so hard to fight has already been won. We are fighting for no reason. We are all trying to prove ourselves worthy of forgiveness when we shouldn't be. We will NEVER be worthy of forgiveness, but we are still forgiven. That is such a beautiful thing that we have a God who is so forgiving and he doesn't make us earn it. It's a gift that Jesus gave to us. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. No matter how low you have let yourself get it is time to pick yourself up and to start walking again. You can do it because you're already forgiven and you already have God ready to walk by your side. Also not only should we be picking ourselves up, we should be picking others up as well. We need to help each other. We are all Christians struggling to do good with our lives, it's time to stop criticizing each other and to start helping. You don't understand how appreciated it is to have someone help you. I was struggling so hard to pick myself up, I was so low I didn't even want to try to pick myself up anymore because I didn't see the point. I thank God every day that I had someone lift me up and tell me how special I am and how good of a person I am. I wouldn't be where I am today without that person. My best friend has been picking me up throughout my entire freshman year and no matter how many times she saw me fall she never failed to pick me up again. I am so blessed to have Cierra in my life and she literally saved my life and will never even understand how she did it. So please try and be that person that helps someone, pick someone up no matter how many times you have to do it, and don't let yourself stay down because you're so special and loved and God is waiting on you to come running to him. He will never abandon you, he's always there so please forgive yourself. You deserve to feel God's love and you deserve the encouragement of others. I love you all and if you're struggling tonight, or ever and you don't think you can get up again please feel free to email me and we can talk. (kswaims@atu.edu) You're so special and loved. Forgive yourself and forgive others, always.
XOXO,
Kirby Madyson Swaims
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